Our Coupon Bunker Saves You
Prepare & Fortify
M. Brooks: "The service is incredible; each time I have contacted Safecastle, I get an immediate response. The owner's always been kind, considerate and very professional and stands behind his word. The membership perks--phenomenal. Safecastle is really a ministry to those trying to prepare ... truly a first rate outfit, selling quality products at a reasonable price, owned and operated by a man who has a servant’s heart."
William J.: "... getting 25% off MH cases wasn't enough. Now you're getting me over 50% off this purchase! You've saved me a bunch of money. Thanks for your outstanding shop and such great prices. Ya'll have one of the greatest operations going … and believe me, I DO shop around."
Jeffrey P.: "Excellent customer service is so rare these days that when you experience it you are somewhat surprised. As a fellow business owner, I certainly appreciate and applaud the manner in which you run your business. Being able to resolve this matter at 9:48 on a Friday evening is simply incredible."
M.M.: "I just want you to know how awesome and fast your shipping and service is. I think you already know this, but it doesn't hurt to mention it :) There are a couple of other major online stores that I placed orders over 6 weeks ago that have yet to ship. You all must be very hard working folk. Thanks!"
Dave W: "Thank you so much for running a store that provides excellent customer service andsome I didn't even sells quality products at reasonable prices. The Steelhead Adventure medical kits came today and I am once again impressed. I have shopped at other preparedness websites and I have yet to come across one that is as responsive to customers and potential customers as yours is. I have sent emails a couple times to you asking for more information when trying to compare products. You have always answered my questions fully as well as answering think to ask. Keep up the good work."
C.W.: "Wow! You guys are even greater than the greatness you have already proven to me!!"
J.H.: "Great customer support! Amazing deals and bonuses! Thank you."
Craig: "Wow, what a sale! Thanks!"
Steve: "You have very good customer service and I am recommending your company to everyone I know ... I wish all business people I deal with were this good. You are sure to be a continued success."
AR: "God bless you, sir, for helping people put a little food security into their future. I was pleased with the purchases made with your company. You are good people, and I'm proud to know you."
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The 2017 Apocalimericks Contest is Live!
Real preppers like a little rhyme (or is it reason?) in their chowder.
It's been a couple of years since we last did this, so maybe we can wring out some fresh verse. (See the winners from 2013 and 2015 farther below on this page.)
We're going to award a $20 Safecastle gift certificate to the author of every original Apocalimerick we post here to our site. Be creative, keep it reasonably clean, and make sure it's about prepping or zombies or existential crises, etc. We'll commit to awarding at least one gift certificate a week through March 2017 (don't make us regret that). Hopefully we'll find more than one submission a week worthy of one of these coveted awards.
Our selections will be based solely on what makes us here at Safecastle laugh. One entry per week per person (Sunday thru Saturday). Two gift certificates per winner thru the contest period is our limit.
The competition may be stiff, or not. We'll select and publish winners at our whim as the contest progresses. By submitting your verses, you agree to allow us to use your limericks as we choose. Be sure to let us know how you would like to be credited following your published limerick (first name, initials, a pen name, etc.).
What's a limerick? See this.
Email your limerick today to: firstname.lastname@example.org
An example of an apocalimerick (OK--not so funny, but we're not getting a gift certificate out of it anyway):
There was a wise prepper named Catherine
Who saw the dark clouds a gatherin’
she joined up with Safecastle
prepped quickly, no hassle
then stayed dry when the stuff started splattering.
2015 Week 1 Winner, Sept. 5: submitted by Alaska Sue ...
Far away ‘neath the bright midnight sun
Our prepping is quite well begun
We’re stowing our stores, and fishing the shores
Getting ready for all that may come.
2015 Week 2 Co-Winner, Sept. 12: submitted by Be Well ...
The fear of disaster is spreading
No one knows where the country is heading
Have matches on hand
And food in the can
And can't have too much wool bedding
2015 Week 2 Co-Winner, Sept. 12: submitted by Works4DHS ...
Disasters are coming, oh my
big asteroids drop from the sky
volcanoes are steaming,
al-Qaeda is scheming,
and there's a Blood Moon drawing nigh
2015 Week 3 Winner, Sept. 19: submitted by M Thomas...
I had a large store of dried food.
With meat, cheese and vegetables-stewed.
I even prepped fodder,
but forgot about water.
How giardia will dampen your mood!
2015 Week 4 Winner, Sept. 26: submitted by MissFilthyPrepper...
I once feared a massive EMP
Welfare zombies without EBT
I filled up the larder
Bought items to barter
Now my family won’t speak to me.
2013 winners ...
Winner #1, March 27, 2013: submitted by Pistol Pete ...
“If ever one needed a life
Prepper Pete does,” said his frustrated wife.
“’Stead of dinner and dancing,”
he said, “I’ll skip the romancing …
for my birthday I’ll take the new knife.”
Winner #2, March 28, 2013: submitted by LeRoy Farpdinkle ...
There once was a lad, name of Bennigan
Who had two nice stashes, but then ag'in,
Was it three? No 'Twas four,
Or, it could've been more.
Oh, wait, I'll have to start in ag'in.
There once was a lad, name of Bennigan...
Winner #3, March 28, 2013: submitted by Tech ...
A bunch of the folks that I know
are concerned when the storms start to blow
I told them "prepare"
but they just don't care
They waited for FEMA - ho, ho.
Winner #4, March 28, 2013: submitted by Jake O'Bryan ...
There was an old prepper named Dave
Who lived by himself in a cave,
He spent not a dime
On women nor wine,
For doomsday himself he did save.
Winner #5, March 29, 2013: submitted by Amberchrome ...
Note this family, the Abercrombies,
Who keep a close lookout for "zombies!"
They're tooled up to shred
a horde of undead,
while swearing, "It's all just a hobby!"
Winner #6, March 31, 2013: submitted by Scott ...
There was a Thai prepper in Nantucket
Who stored ammo and food in a bucket
The EMP came
The food was in flame
He’s now moved back home and said Phuket
Winners #7 & #8, March 31, 2013: submitted by email@example.com...
I need more ammo for my gun.
Many times to the gun store I run.
When I try to buy ammo
I'm stuck in a jammo
'cause on the store’s shelf there is none!
I know a wise prepper named Stan.
He's determined to do what he can
to find the best way
to prepare for the day
when the proverbial S hits the Fan.
Winner #9, April 2, 2013: submitted by Uncle Morgan ...
In the wake of Pandemic Disaster
there's nothing will get you dead faster
than trying to steal
a poor man's last meal...
if he's developed a taste for Trespasser!
Winner #10, April 4, 2013: submitted by Scott ...
Zombies have come to your houses
More invasive than a bucket of mouses
Keep calm and reload
Stay in single-shot mode
and play something soothing of Strauss's.
and bonus submission:
Safecastle Royal has preparedness stuff
Building your bug out preps ain't so rough.
Just order a ton
Stack and you're done,
Who're you kidding there's never enough.
Winner #11, April 4, 2013: submitted by Sheila West ...
There was a New Yorker named Neil
Who thought preppers were truly unreal
Then along came Storm Sandy
Which messed him up grandly
Now he preps with exceptional zeal.
Winner #12, April 4, 2013: submitted by Dr. Disaster ...
Old Dave sought his gadgets' protection
from coronal mass ejection
No geek could upstage
His brass Faraday cage
Nevermind that it trashed his reception.
Winner #13, April 4, 2013: submitted by Prairie Dog ...
There once was a pretty young thang
who wore a foil hat while she sang
Her home underground
had beans all around
and wires that when tripped would go bang!
Mike fell for her coz she was smart,
plus her bottom was shaped like a heart.
She could field strip a Barrett
and grow a mean carrot
and her fifty yard grouping was art.
Winner #14, April 5, 2013: submitted by Dr. Disaster ...
There was a young mother named Betty
Who had two boys, Frank and Freddie
She canned her tomatoes
Right before the tornados
And her kids still have sauce for spaghetti
Winner #15, April 5, 2013: submitted by Prairie Dog ...
Beside my house in the ground
is a safe room that cannot be found
It has food and a shower
The sun's rays provide power
If the chit flies we'll be safe and sound.
Winner #16, April 9, 2013: submitted by Jake O'Bryan ...
A young city dweller named Carter
Decided to stock up his larder.
He reckoned that rice
And beans would be nice,
With ammo as something to barter.
LG.: "Wow is all I can say...you definitely made a customer for life and I will be posting how well you have taken care of this issue on facebook ...I will also be spreading the word to all of my biker and survival friends ... I'm still at a loss for words other than thank you very much and I am sure karma will be giving back to you two-fold.
Gail S.: "Your Customer Service is amazing. I've never seen anything like it. Thank you for that and for your excellent products and deals."
DC: "As a 15-year veteran of the customer service industry, I have always worked to provide my customers with World Class Service. As a result, I hold the yardstick VERY high when I find myself in the role of befuddled customer. In the 18 hours since I became a customer, Safecastle has gone light years beyond my every expectation. Quick response to my emails, willingness to explore all possible resolutions, and the way they took OWNERSHIP of my issues (no matter how small) have all astounded me. I honestly wish I had found Safecastle sooner, so I could have already told everyone who would listen where they can find truly World Class Service."
N.S.: "Wow. Thanks for the quick response. I must say, Jack Spirko's endorsement of your business caused me to choose you over any competitors, and he is spot on about your customer service. Thanks so much!"
Judie: "Thank you for making shopping so easy ... and the sale prices so good!"
Adam: "Thank you! You're running a great business."
Ed F: "I wanted to thank you for the way you run your business and the service you provide. It is a pleasure to do business with you. You treat customers like friends and it is appreciated. My last purchase, the AEB Ox, happened because your personal recommendation in an email got me to look more carefully at it. Thanks."
Al M. (via BBB): "This is the best customer service I've received from any company anywhere. Fast service. Pricing is always fair and sometimes great! They do what they say they will do and have never let me down. This is a world class organization."
Janet: "I have found it a great experience doing business with your company, not only today, but also in the past. It is a pleasure to find a company today that takes care of their customers. You present great products and offer very nice savings opportunities to your membership. I have shared this message with my friends and they have place orders and were pleased. Thank you and may your business be blessed."